Throughout the Years
by FanofBellaandEdward
Summary: Sasuke goes through a lot of changes throughout the years. There's only one constant in his life: Uzumaki Naruto. Birthday fic; Sasuke's pov; slash; implied mature content; some drama; more warnings inside


**Author's note: This fic is dedicated to Meehalla, because it's her birthday today. Happy birthday, Meehalla! This was an idea that wouldn't leave me alone until I had written it, so I hope it isn't too bad.**

 **Warnings: Sasuke's pov; present tense; some drama; some angst; some dialogue taken from the manga and novels; happy ending; slash; implied mature content; canon character deaths**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. Kishimoto owns it. I don't own Itachi's novel either; this was written by Takashi Yano.**

 **Dedicated to: Meehalla**

 **I hope you'll like it!**

* * *

 **Throughout the Years**

He is six years old when he meets him. A hyperactive, blond knucklehead with a penchant for trouble and a too loud mouth. He isn't interested in him at first; isn't interested in anyone if he has to be honest. The others in his class don't seem to actually want to put any effort in their training and he often leaves class frustrated. He prefers training with his older brother, actually learning new and exciting techniques, stuff that will be useful later on, but his brother is often gone on missions and only sparsely has time for him anymore.

So he spends his days in class, completing his work and acing his tests and keeping himself apart from the others; his patience often dwindling away if he has to deal with them for too long.

The other students in his class may act like idiots, but they are smart enough not to bother him and they give him a wide berth each day, restricting themselves to casting furtive glances at him.

All but one.

His name is Naruto and he's an absolute disaster, no matter which exercise they get to perform. No matter how many times the sensei scolds him, gives him detention for acting out, the blond boy just keeps grinning, keeps laughing and sticking his tongue out at the older man.

And keeps bugging Sasuke, no matter how many times the boy makes it clear that he doesn't appreciate his presence near him. Keeps trying to taunt him, keeps complaining about whatever punishment the sensei gives him this time.

When he complains about it to his brother, he expects him to agree with him, but instead gets to hear something entirely else.

"He comes over to you, because he's curious about you. Be nice to him."

 _Be nice to him?!_ What is his brother thinking?

"I can't be nice to a kid like that," Sasuke protests.

"It'd be nice if you could someday," Itachi says, placing the palm of his hand on Sasuke's head.

"There's totally no way!" Sasuke shuts his eyes tightly, his nose crinkling up with annoyance, and grits his teeth. Why would he be nice to that dunderhead?

When Itachi starts laughing, it surprises the younger boy so much that he unconsciously relaxes and starts laughing as well.

Maybe, _maybe_ , he'll give the other boy a chance. He'll at least think about it.

* * *

When Sasuke is eight years old, his whole life gets turned upside down in one single night.

He goes home later than usual, after having been shown some new techniques by one of the Chuunin and it's already dark by the time he enters the Uchiha compound. He follows the road to his house, wondering whether Itachi would be home by now. Maybe he'll still train with him a bit! He tries to concentrate on his excitement to see his brother again, but a feeling of unease settles on him and he swallows, wondering what is wrong. The feeling only intensifies with each step he takes and his hand clenches around the strap of his bag.

He stops abruptly on the road and his eyes widen when his brain translates what exactly he is seeing. Bodies. Dead bodies everywhere; their blood staining the road and seeping into the ground. The buildings on each side of the road are covered in red, ruby red, and the scent of blood hangs heavily in the air.

"Wh … What … is … This …" he stammers, ice cold fear sneaking up on him and wrapping him up in its treacherous arms.

What the hell's going on?!

If these people are dead, does this mean …

He rushes to his home in a frenzy, praying that whoever killed these people didn't manage to get his parents or his brother. Heart beating fast, he stumbles into his house, forgoing removing his shoes and bag in order to find his parents faster.

"Father! Mother!" he screams panicked, heedless of the fact that the murderer may still be around, as he runs towards the main room; his footsteps thudding loudly against the wooden floor.

"Sasuke … Don't come in …" Mother calls out, sounding off.

He freezes; his mother's voice a warning that things are very wrong right now. His heart seems stuck in his throat now and his hand trembles when he slides the door open.

His proud father and his beautiful mother lie in a lifeless heap on the floor, their eyes staring unseeingly at him as blood slowly pools around them, dying the floor red.

And right behind them stands his big brother, Itachi – his eyes the colour of blood.

* * *

He regains consciousness in the hospital. The nurses tut and coo at him and they whisper in the hallway how sorry they feel for the poor orphaned boy, really, just tragic what happened to his clan.

He is discharged from the hospital two days later after the Hokage comes to see him and assures him he'll be given access to the Uchiha money in order to fund his training and buy food. When he returns home – but it isn't home anymore, doesn't feel like home anymore, not warm and safe like before – police tape still covers the entrance, but he merely steps through it and regards with blank eyes what was once the proud Uchiha compound, bustling with energy.

Now it's dead and silent and while the bodies are gone and the roads and houses cleaned as much as the shinobi could, Sasuke knows. He'll never forget the many bodies he found that night, the blood covering walls and floors and roads, sickening the air with its foul stench.

He'll always remember the way his parents laid there, the life drained from them. Never again will his mother drag him into a warm hug or kiss his forehead or smile that beautiful smile. Never again will he hear his father saying he's proud of his youngest son – even if it took him disapproving of his oldest son's actions to notice his youngest son.

Never again will he wait anxiously for his brother to come home and teach him new techniques and get poked in the forehead by him. Because the brother he thought he had doesn't really exist.

He'll never forget Itachi's last words right before he disappeared: "In order to become like me, defeat me, you'll have to kill your closest friend."

Sasuke falls to his knees and throws up.

* * *

When Sasuke turns nine years old, he spends the day at the dock, staring into the water and listening to birds chirping while the suns beats down on the earth and makes everything too warm.

Sometimes when he looks into the water, Itachi's face stares back at him, but today the water is merciful and reflects only his own face. A small mercy.

He's – well, not happy, not really. He hasn't been happy since the day his entire family was murdered, but he can supress the pain better today than other days, which is good, because otherwise he fears he would have lashed out at all those girls offering him birthday gifts and trying to get him to spend time with them. He doesn't want to spend time with them, isn't interested in their gifts. He only wants to get stronger to defeat Itachi and for that he needs to train harder than before. The other boys in his class call him insane, try to tell him to lay off on the training, but he ignores them. They don't know what it's like to lose all the warmth in your life all at once; they don't know what it's like to be betrayed by the one person you think you can trust.

They don't understand his desire, his need for revenge. It's fine, he doesn't need them to. He'll deal with Itachi on his own and once he's strong enough, he'll seek him out and take revenge and restore the clan's honour. He just needs to train hard and have patience. He can't afford distractions, can't afford to –

His ears prick up when he picks up the sound of soft footsteps, barely audible against the dusty ground. He turns his head slightly to the left, just enough to see who is coming, and stills when he recognises bright blond hair.

Naruto saunters past, his hands firmly stuffed in the pockets of his trousers and his shoulders are slumped as he stares at the ground. His hair is nearly blinding in the sunlight and Sasuke blinks.

This isn't the first time he sees Naruto walking by when he himself is sitting on the dock. They never say anything when they notice each other, don't make any attempt to reach out or start a fight – a sharp contrast to how they act at the Academy where Naruto seems to thrive on taunting him, boasting he's better than Sasuke at a certain technique or move only for him to fail miserably once Sasuke accepts the challenge.

It should irritate Sasuke, the way Naruto keeps seeking him out, keeps insisting on talking to him, continues to press his buttons and push him to the limit, but …

Their eyes meet and their faces take on a scowl as they stare at each other. Naruto pauses, frowns and then sticks his tongue out before walking off.

Against his will the scowl on Sasuke's face melts into a faint smile. He turns back to look at the water.

* * *

He graduates from the Academy at age twelve and gets teamed up with Naruto and a pink haired girl named Sakura, who he recognises as one of the girls who keeps trying to ask him out.

It's a disaster.

Naruto is as clumsy as ever and his techniques – bar that ridiculous sexy-no-jutsu and his admittedly useful shadow clone jutsu – are subpar at best. Sakura is even worse, preferring to spend her time trying to flirt with Sasuke instead of improving her abysmal skills. Their sensei, Kakashi, is … Sasuke can't read the guy and that irks him. On the one hand he's perpetually late and reads his porn books like they're regular magazines, but on the other hand he is reliable during fights and when he trains them he's serious about it – even if his ways of training them are downright weird at times.

Sasuke is lumped together with the worst possible teammates he could imagine, but he makes do. The insistence of the higher-ups to give them only D ranked missions, however, brings his patience close to snapping. He didn't train to become a shinobi just to help water crops or capture vicious cats on the run or paint some damn shed. So when Naruto throws a fit one day and insists on being given a decent mission, a higher ranked one to show off his skills, he can't help but agree with the blond boy, alien as that sentiment feels even when both Kakashi and Sakura are put out by Naruto's tantrum and Sakura looks close to thumping the boy's head.

To their immense surprise they actually get a higher ranked mission. It's a C-mission, so only one step higher than the ones they usually did, but it's an improvement and they're eager to accept it.

The mission, escort an old man back to his hometown, brings about an odd change in Sasuke. When before he had been irritated by Naruto's antics and his stubborn insistence on seeking out Sasuke to cajole him into training sessions, now he finds himself actively seeking out the younger boy as Kakashi heals up from their encounter with Zabuza. It starts with their chakra training, both boys determined to outdo each other.

At first Sasuke concentrates on his own training, focuses on gathering the right amount of control over his chakra in order to climb the tree without damaging it. He's seen Naruto's pathetic first attempt at climbing it and doesn't worry about the other shinobi catching up to him.

Until after lunch, a few days after they have started their training, he looks to his right and freezes, regaining control over his chakra just in time to avoid crashing to the ground. In disbelief he watches how Naruto loses his grip on the tree and falls back down with a curse before he starts climbing up again with a look of fierce determination on his face.

He has almost reached the same height as Sasuke. When the hell did that happen? Judging by Naruto's first attempt, he shouldn't have become this proficient in tree climbing in just a few days.

Unless …

Narrowing his eyes, Sasuke studies Naruto speculatively; a memory of him talking to Sakura a few days ago crossing his mind.

Steeling himself – for what he doesn't know exactly- he approaches Naruto a while later and asks, glancing away awkwardly, "Wha… What did Sakura tell you?"

Naruto looks surprised at first, shocked even, before contemplation briefly flashes across his face. Then he grins widely and answers smugly, "It's a secret!"

Sasuke barely holds himself back from punching that smug little bastard in his stupid grinning face.

* * *

His body moves on its own. He doesn't know why he does it, why he moves to stand in front of Naruto and bear the brunt of Haku's attack. All he knows is that he can't let Naruto die. Not here. Not now. Not when he can prevent it.

He has dreams, wants, no, needs to take revenge on Itachi, restore the honour of the Uchiha clan, but he knows he won't ever see that dream realised. His strength is leaving him, just like his blood, and he sags down, his knees buckling, until he falls backwards – his fall cushioned by Naruto's arms.

It's funny now that he thinks about it. He used to hate Naruto, thinks he hated him, but what he feels for Naruto doesn't even come close to the hatred he feels for Itachi. He doesn't know what he feels for the blond boy now. The boy who's staring at him in disbelief and horror, arms shaking as they cradle his body closer to the younger shinobi's. His whiskered face is slowly becoming a blur and Sasuke hacks up blood.

"That man … My brother … I told myself I wouldn't die until I killed him … Don't die also," he murmurs, needing Naruto to understand this for some reason, to not let himself be killed by their enemy.

Memories are flashing by as his limbs grow heavier with each second that passes. There's Naruto stupidly laughing at him during one of their mission; him dragging the dead arse's weight back to their base after the blond has exhausted himself …Him unable to prevent a smirk of amusement at one of Naruto's antics … For a few seconds the memory of their kiss in the Academy hovers in his mind and in an impulse he reaches out with his right hand to – yes, to do what?

Before his hand can make contact, everything becomes black in front of his eyes.

* * *

He's thirteen and Marked.

The Curse Mark throbs as he slowly pushes himself up, forcing his legs and arms to cooperate. Blearily he looks up; white noise filling his ears. Sharingan red fades away, leaving only black and his eyes trail across the rocks and the puddles of water filling the new craters in the ground. He stills when his gaze falls on the body lying a hundred feet away from him. He swallows and slowly makes his way to the only one he has ever considered to be his best friend. The boy who has tried to stop him from pursuing his revenge – and who may or may not be dead.

Every muscle screams, but he forces himself to keep moving forward and then he's standing in front of Naruto and halts. Looks down at him. Notices his chest moving up and down slowly. He didn't kill him. He didn't murder his best friend.

His heart constricts with something he can't – won't – identify and his breathing hitches. "Naruto, I …"

He looks up and closes his eyes when the first raindrops hit his face. The drops change into a downpour soon, soaking both him and Naruto and filling the air with its fresh scent, chasing away the hurt and the blood and the pain.

Sasuke turns his gaze towards Naruto again, who hasn't moved an inch even with the rain steadily splashing on his face. Overcome, Sasuke kneels down, down until his face is right above Naruto's and he stares, committing this face to memory. A drop slips down the bridge of his nose and spatters apart on Naruto's headband.

Still Naruto doesn't move. Doesn't open his eyes.

For a moment Sasuke lingers, unable to move, to look away. Time passes. There's something stirring inside of him, something heavy and restrictive, and he wavers. Thinks. Considers his choices.

* * *

All he leaves behind is his headband and the frayed tatters of a bond he has tried to sever.

* * *

He sees Naruto again when he's sixteen years old.

His rest has been disturbed by the guy claiming to be Naruto's teammate and he's just contemplating running his sword through the annoying bastard when Sakura comes rushing out of the corridor, into the open space. She stares at him wide-eyed and a breathless, "Sasuke-kun," escapes her as she comes to an abrupt halt.

If she's here, that means _he_ can't be far off.

Sasuke's right. His ears pick up thundering footsteps a few seconds before Naruto stumbles into the open. He snaps his head up and blue eyes meet black ones instantly; something akin to hope and longing lingering in those cerulean blue depths.

Naruto has changed somewhat. He's leaner, taller, looks grimmer overall – but that same look of determination Sasuke has noticed years before is still there and with an odd pang Sasuke realises Naruto never let go of their bond.

How foolish.

"Sasuke …" His name leaves Naruto's mouth slowly as if he can't believe the older man is really in front of him.

"Naruto, hm?" Sasuke murmurs thoughtfully. He hasn't expected to see Naruto again, not after the way they have parted three years before and yet here he is, staring up at him.

The memory of the last time they saw each other must be crossing Naruto's mind as well, because he says, voice growing strong with each word that escapes him, "If so, then why …? Why didn't you kill me then?! Isn't that your way of breaking bonds?! Sasuke!"

His name ends up being screamed in a raw voice.

Something stirs inside his chest, but Sasuke forces it ruthlessly down. He has come this far already – he's not going to let anybody stop him now, not even Naruto.

"The reason is simple." He closes his eyes briefly, bitterness rearing its ugly head as he remembers Itachi's last order. "It's not that I didn't cut those bonds. I didn't want to give him the pleasure of seeing me obtain power by following his ways." He opens his eyes again and stares coldly down at the frozen blond man. "I merely spared your life on a whim."

Naruto glares heatedly back at him.

Making a snap decision, Sasuke pushes himself off the ground and jumps, landing right in front of Naruto so quickly the others don't even have time to blink. His left arm comes to rest on Naruto's right shoulder, his hand brushing against his back, and the other man allows his touch.

 _That idiot._

He leans forwards until his hair brushes Naruto's cheek and his mouth is right next to his ear. "Come to think of it, isn't your dream to become Hokage? If you have the time to come chase after me, you should be training. Isn't that right, Naruto?" he murmurs tauntingly, daring the other shinobi to push him away.

His left arm still resting casually on Naruto's shoulder, he reaches behind his back with his right hand and slowly withdraws his sword from its sheath. "That's why this time, at my whim, you'll lose your life." He raises his sword in the air; its sharp tip aimed at Naruto's back.

"Can someone who can't even save one of his friends become Hokage?" A pause. "What do you think, Sasuke?" The words are equally as soft as Sasuke's has been, but there's no hint of a taunt in it, only sincerity.

Sasuke pauses for a moment and then twists his wrist and lifts his sword higher. His eyes shift to Naruto's face, careful to catalogue every miniscule shift, but instead of anger, panic or betrayal, Naruto does nothing but look forwards and clench his teeth together.

He still doesn't move out of Sasuke's hold.

An amused scoff leaves Sasuke before he can hold it back and with a smirk he drives his sword down. At the same time he activates his Sharingan and looks straight into Naruto's eyes.

What he discovers in Naruto's mind … explains quite a lot actually.

* * *

When he leaves together with Kabuto and Orochimaru, he keeps holding dark blue eyes until he completely disappears. He ignores the way his stomach churns at the sight of pure desperation and raw longing aimed at him.

* * *

His seventeenth birthday passes and with it he loses his last remaining family member.

He feels empty. Dull. Cut off from the world and senses muted when the strange man with the orange mask starts talking to him, telling him the truth behind the massacre.

Telling him the truth about Itachi and the way he has suffered in name of Konoha.

Sasuke no longer feels dull or empty as he allows rage to fill him up and he swears to take vengeance on the village which snatched his family, _his big brother_ , away from him.

He closes his eyes and plunges himself into the darkness, welcoming it with open arms.

* * *

He's seventeen and three months old when he realises that in order to carry on with his plan, to shape the world into what he wants, he needs to get rid of Naruto.

Naruto who, despite all the things Sasuke has done, all the times he has attempted to kill him, still believes in him, still considers him his best friend. Naruto who remains at his side when everyone else has readily abandoned him.

Naruto who refuses to let go of him.

The only one who has managed to break through Sasuke's walls, the only one who proves a danger to the future Sasuke envisions. Without Naruto, there won't be any light, there won't be any distraction. Sasuke can't afford a distraction, doesn't deserve the warm light wanting to envelop him.

Naruto living is Sasuke's undoing and that can't happen. Can't be allowed to happen.

So he fights him, does his best to kill him even if every cell of his body protests, even as helpless rage fills him and everything threatens to drown him.

He needs to destroy the last bond he has, needs to tear the strange emotions Naruto evokes every time into unrecognisable pieces until nothing remains.

He needs to … Needs to …

* * *

He wakes up with Naruto at his side and if smiling wouldn't hurt so much, he would be smirking at the irony of all this.

He has attempted to destroy Naruto, to kill him – _to die together with him_ , a voice pipes up in the back of his mind which he ignores – and instead they're both still alive and Naruto is still at his side.

Where he has been from the start.

Why would Naruto do this? Why would he go so far for someone so undeserving of his affections as Sasuke is? Why would he try to rescue someone who's been given up, considered past redemption, by everyone else?

"Because we're friends," Naruto mutters exhausted when Sasuke voices his questions; his left eye nearly completely swollen shut.

Sasuke stares at him, narrows his eyes slightly and ignores the way blood steadily keeps flowing out of the stump of his arm. Is he missing something here? Naruto keeps saying he does all that shit because they're friends … Sasuke may not be the most social person around, but he thinks not many people are willing to forsake their life in order to save someone they consider to be just a friend.

He hesitates for a moment, uncertain whether he's willing to dive into this unknown thing between them, whether he's willing to change the status quo they have held up for years now – even when he hasn't wanted to hold it up.

His curiosity wins.

"You've already said that… But what exactly … does friend mean to you?" he questions slowly and something in his chest clenches.

Naruto is quiet for a moment and Sasuke barely dares to breathe for some inane reason as he awaits the answer.

"Even if you were to ask me to explain it, I honestly don't think I'd really have an answer … It's just, when I see you carrying that burden and going on about everything the way you do … Somehow …" Naruto pauses again and his eyes slid up towards the dark sky. "I just … hurt."

Sasuke's eyes widen and something settles in him, filling him with foreign warmth. Not the warmth he experienced when he still had his family, not the warmth he felt when Itachi assured him he would always love him … A different kind of warmth, which seeps into all his pours and makes him realise what he has been missing all this time.

"It hurts so much inside, that I can't just leave it alone, you know?" Naruto continues and he turns his head towards Sasuke again and chuckles, a weak grin lingering around his blood stained lips. "Though right now, I'm in a lot of pain all over, and I can't do anything about it." His mouth turns into a wry smile and he utters a soft groan of pain.

Darkness creeps up on Sasuke again and he gives himself over to it.

Tumbling down into a valley of memories.

* * *

The sun is rising when Sasuke blinks and opens his eyes. Next to him Naruto moans as he regains consciousness as well.

"Where are we?" Naruto mumbles dazedly. "This isn't heaven, is it?!"

Amusement prickles through the fuzziness in his mind. "Looks like we fell asleep and slept all night," Sasuke replies. His entire body throbs with pain and he doesn't dare to move an inch. "We've failed to die again."

"G-Gah! I still can't move my body!" the blond retorts frustrated. "I was hoping to clobber you and make you finally, really open your eyes!"

He can't help it. Sasuke starts laughing. A weak chuckle at first, but it quickly grows into full blown laugher, even when every muscle in his body protests at the strain he's putting it through.

"Wh-What's so funny?!" Naruto sputters shocked.

"We're all messed up, and you still want to fight?" Sasuke asks amused; regarding the other man with the eye that isn't bruised shut.

Instantly Naruto's fired up. "Of course! No matter how many times it takes …"

"I admit it …"

The younger shinobi abruptly silences himself.

"That … I've lost," Sasuke smiles and he doesn't feel as upset about it as he thought he would be. He feels at peace. Like a weight has been lifted from his shoulders.

"Fool! This fight isn't about winning or losing! It's about punching a sulking friend and making him snap out of it!" Naruto snaps furiously, hackles raised like the fox he houses inside of him. "The real match that I want comes after that!"

Of course it does. Because Naruto remains Naruto, no matter what happens. Sasuke takes comfort in that fact.

"Hey, Naruto," he starts and closes his eyes briefly.

"Huh?"

"I've acknowledged you now … If I die here, the long cycle of destiny the Sage of Six Paths mentioned will probably end as well."

For once Naruto stays silent, only staring at him with an odd look in his eyes.

"This is a type of revolution too," Sasuke continues. "You can undo the Infinite Tsukuyomi after I'm dead … By transplanting my left eye into Kakashi or someone else. I … will put an end to myself."

Because he doesn't trust himself. Doesn't have the confidence that he won't stray again, that he won't betray the trust Naruto shows him.

Because he doesn't want to hurt the only bond he has left in this entire world.

"Don't you dare!" Naruto says furiously; his face radiating his rage at Sasuke's admission. "You dying isn't going to settle things! If you'd go that far, then live and help me instead! What I want to do is get all shinobi to cooperate with each other! Including you, of course!"

"Just because you want that doesn't mean others will agree to it," Sasuke points out and twists his head to the side so he can look at the blond shinobi.

"Yeesh! Fine, go ahead, keep sulking and whining … I'll beat you up again!"

"There's no guarantee I won't stand against you again," Sasuke cautions him, needing the blond to realise the danger that lurks inside of him, the darkness that won't ever really disappear, no matter how many years pass by. It's why it would be better if he kills himself, save Naruto the trouble of being forced to do it in the future when Sasuke will inevitably fuck up again.

"Then I'll stop you again! Actually, I know you're not going to do that kind of thing anymore!" Naruto snaps confidently.

"How can you say that? How can you be so sure?" Sasuke wonders aloud, questioning this unshakable trust that the Jinchuuriki has in him.

Naruto is getting pissed off. "Don't make me keep repeating myself! Do you still not understand anything?! Now that I think about it, you were always pretty stupid too!" he huffs annoyed.

Something in Sasuke breaks. It's not a bad thing, that break, feels more like the final piece of the puzzle slotting into place, strange as that may sound. He breaks because he now realises …

That he'll have Naruto at his side forever, no matter what will happen. He doesn't deserve that, doesn't deserve to have this bright, warm light shining down at him, but he's grateful for it.

And he understands now what Naruto is saying.

Something wet slides down his cheeks and he turns his head away, a smile colouring his lips.

"Shut up … usuratonkachi."

* * *

Nineteen year old Sasuke finds the Hyuuga patriarch wounded right outside Konoha, picks up the groaning and mumbling of an enemy targeting the village as he lands down next to the older man. He looks up at the dark sky and grabs Hiashi's arm, slinging it over his shoulder. Together they make their way into the village.

Above them the sky is streaked red and Sasuke speeds towards the Hokage Tower, knowing that Naruto isn't currently present in the village.

If Naruto isn't here to protect Konoha, it falls onto Sasuke to do it in his stead. It only makes sense after all.

He jumps up and his sword is nothing but a flash of silver as he sets about protecting the villagers.

For Naruto's sake.

* * *

Sasuke is nearly twenty years old when he hears rumours of the Hyuuga princess dating war hero Uzumaki Naruto and he snaps.

When the red haze drains away, he's standing in what was a small forest just a little while ago and is now nothing more than scorched earth and still smouldering tree stumps. The black flames of Amaterasu form an ever burning circle around him, crackling and snapping in the heavy silence.

His strength abruptly leaves him and he sags down, knees hitting the ground hard as he stares unseeingly in front of him. His katana clatters next to him; dust whirling up.

It shouldn't be like this. It isn't supposed to be like this. Naruto isn't supposed to –

Well, why wouldn't he? Why wouldn't Naruto go after a girl and date her? Why wouldn't he show interest in someone?

 _ **Because Sasuke doesn't want him to.**_

That realisation hits him like a punch in the gut and he gasps soundlessly, eyes widening. He hasn't really taken the time to contemplate these strange emotions which Naruto manages to pull out of him without fail. He's fine with how things between them are, reassured because of the promise and the bond they share.

But now he isn't fine anymore, suddenly finds himself rebelling against the damn status quo.

Hinata can't have him.

It's a thought that steadily drums in his mind, seeps into every corner and lights him up from within. She can't have him. Not after all these years, not after everything he and Naruto have shared with each other.

She can't. Sasuke won't let her.

If Sasuke was a good man, a better man, he would step aside and wouldn't meddle in Naruto's affairs. He doesn't have any right to try and come between Hinata and Naruto. Not after everything he has done.

But he has never claimed to be a good guy, _knows_ he isn't, not really, and when he rises up, there's a fierce and grim determination glowing in his eyes, sparkling deep within black and purple.

He turns around and leaves, his hand clenched around his old headband – the headband Naruto had returned to him two years ago.

He's going back to Konoha.

* * *

He's been travelling on his own for nearly three years now for a good reason. After Naruto had pulled him back from the darkness, he had started his journey of atonement. He may have supressed the darkness inside of him for now, but it's still there. It's slumbering for now, waiting for a reason to break through the surface once more and cause destruction in its wake.

He doesn't want to give the darkness a chance to take over again and thus had started travelling alone, to re-examine himself – and to avoid breaking his friends' trust in him. He doesn't want to betray them, him, doesn't want to hurt them, him, anymore but to avoid doing that he needs to learn how to control his Uchiha blood.

When an Uchiha loves, they love deeply. When that love gets ripped away, the Uchiha is likely to turn to hatred instead to fill up the void that love left behind. When you make connections, you risk getting hurt.

After losing his family, losing his beloved older brother, nearly losing Naruto – Sasuke doesn't ever want to experience that hurt again. It had sounded so simple: travelling on his own, keeping out of Konoha, would keep him from the risk of forming connections. The bond with Naruto has always been there, wouldn't break no matter what, but it's easier to ignore that particular connection if he isn't in the village.

It makes it easier to pretend he won't get hurt when the bond eventually snaps and he loses the last remaining connection he still has.

He's done nothing but fool himself it appears. Because he is hurting now, hurts at the thought of losing Naruto like that and he can feel the darkness stirring inside of him.

It would be so easy to give in to that darkness. He remembers all too easily the thrill it gave him, the power humming and coursing through his veins as he shut himself off from the outside world and only cared about extracting his vengeance.

If he lets go now, if he loses himself into the darkness once more, Naruto would try to stop him again – but this time he may not succeed. This time Sasuke may take that final step and completely rid himself of his sole bond.

Sasuke doesn't want that. He can't allow that to happen.

But that may not be up to him in the end.

* * *

"Sasuke …"

"You promised! You said you'd be always on my side!" Sasuke spats accusingly and glares at the blond in front of him.

They're in the woods in a small clearing, a few miles outside Konoha. Sasuke intercepted Naruto right when the younger shinobi came back from a mission and demanded a private conversation with him. Sai and Sakura had looked dubiously, glancing at Naruto, who had waved them off with a grin and told them he'd be back soon.

The way Naruto has so easily followed him into the woods, despite having noticed the way Sharingan red and Rinnegan purple glowed, soothes something in Sasuke.

But it's not enough.

"I am! You know that, you bastard! I'll be on your side no matter what!" Naruto protests offended and glares right back at him. "Didn't I prove that when I chased your stubborn arse all these years?!"

"You don't get it, do you?" Sasuke laughs bitterly and shakes his head and he can hit himself for being so stupid.

Of course Naruto had understood something entirely different back then, at the Valley of the End. When Sasuke had thought they had forged the ultimate connection between them, Naruto had still thought it was merely friendship between them.

Not something more, not something deeper as Sasuke had realised had been there all along.

The funny thing his heart does, the warmth that fill him whenever he hears Naruto speak, whenever he sees him, touches him, is around him – Naruto doesn't share that.

Not with him.

"What don't I get?" Naruto shouts frustrated and throws his hands up in the air; the white bandage of his right arm catching onto the dying light of the sun.

The lone Uchiha stares at him, takes in the short, blond spikes, the red flush decorating whiskered cheeks, the look of frustrated bewilderment in deep blue eyes, the way a broad chest heaves up and down with every intake of breath …

On a whim – and where has he heard that before? – he closes the distance between them in a few steps and then his right hand shoots out and grips golden blond hair tightly; the strands slippery and smooth between his fingers as he crushes their mouths together, pouring all his frustration, all his longing and desperation, all his love into one deep kiss, forcing the other man to accept it and understand it.

This may be the last kiss he'll ever be able to share with the blond man and he's going to make the most of it.

He pulls back reluctantly when he feels hands creeping up his cloak, not fancying being throttled or get hit by a Rasengan, and gazes steadily in shocked blue.

He breathes out slowly and takes a step back, his arm drifting back down to his side. "That's what you don't get," Sasuke states, his voice rougher than he likes it to be. He clears his throat and forces himself to keep looking at Naruto, even when his cheeks sting with heat. "That's what I thought you understood when I … It doesn't matter. I'll understand if you – if you hate me now. I know about you and Hinata and … I wanted you to know this."

He feels like he's going to throw up any second now. This is why he shouldn't have come back. This is why he should have avoided making connections.

In the end all it does is hurt him.

He'll never learn, will he?

He leaves before Naruto can say something.

* * *

Sasuke is nearly twenty years old when a furious blond tracks him down, punches him in the face and then kisses him.

"Would you fucking stop running away?!" Naruto demands furiously, nails digging into Sasuke's hips – a sharp contrast to his lips which are peppering Sasuke's stunned face with soft kisses. "Why do you always think that running away will help?! For once in your goddamn life, stay! You stupid bastard!"

Sasuke thinks he can do that.

* * *

At twenty-one years old, Sasuke is sharing a small cottage with Naruto, deep into the woods near Konoha. They have had fights about where they would live together for months now. Naruto doesn't want to leave his village behind, but Sasuke can't stomach living in the place which has ripped his family, his older brother, away from him. No matter the reasons, the possible motives, he won't ever forgive Konoha.

They compromise: with the help of some friends they built a cottage deep into the woods near the village. It's located far enough that Sasuke feels comfortable, but still close enough for Naruto to visit his friends and collect his missions.

Sasuke refuses to carry out missions like a regular shinobi, but he helps the village – but mostly Naruto – by collecting information about criminals and roaming the world in search of knowledge about Kaguya. They sealed her, yes, but Sasuke doesn't want another threat like her to rise up again. His Rinnegan and Sharingan aid him in this search.

And while he's perfectly content to travel on his own, he can't help but feel only at ease when he sets foot inside the cottage and is greeted with a wide grin and an enthusiastic lover.

Slowly the house starts feeling like home – mostly thanks to Naruto.

Not that that is a surprise anymore.

* * *

They make love to each other for the first time when Sasuke is twenty-one years and two months old. At the start they were content to get used to each other's presence in a different way, trying out new things and exploring each other's bodies carefully, slowly. Naruto's missions and Sasuke's search for information often leaves them with little time to spend with each other, but they're both trying to rectify that, having been apart for too long these past years.

They both take some time off from their respective missions when October is around the corner and the leaves are turning into red and gold and brown and the days are growing chillier.

They've both been hyper aware of each other for a while now; their kisses containing this underlying current of urgency, of need, their hands trembling with restrained longing whenever they touch each other.

They both know tonight is the night as they turn off the lights in every room and retreat to their bedroom, where silver moonlight is spilling through the sole window, bathing everything it touches in its bright light.

Naruto's eyes seem luminous when Sasuke pushes him down on the bed and crawls between his legs. They pause and stare at each other, aware of the fact that no cloth is separating them right now. They're as naked as the day they were born.

Then Sasuke dips his head, their mouths meet in a soft, deep kiss, and they start moving.

It's …

It's nothing Sasuke has ever felt before, but it's everything at the same time. It's the way Naruto's breath hitches when he caresses sensitive spots. It's the way lips move sensually against his, tongue peeking out to lap and tease as tanned fingers dance over his chest and back and legs. It's the way blue eyes darken and widen when he slides forward, breaching the other one, joining their bodies completely. It's the way he feels complete right now, wholly accepted by the warm body beneath him.

It's the way arms slip around him and Naruto gives himself to him with trust and love glowing on his face.

It's the way he feels overwhelmed and chokes and feels tears sting his eyes when Naruto's rough voice murmurs into his ear, "I love you, Sasuke."

It's everything.

 _It's them._

* * *

They're both twenty-five years old when they adopt two children: a two year old boy and a one year old girl. Sasuke finds them, the only survivors in a small town which was destroyed by a criminal gang.

He doesn't even think twice and takes them with him, not wanting them to grow up like he did.

The boy's name is Ken and his sister's called Haruka. The names seem oddly fitting.

He takes them with him on a whim and doesn't think about any possible repercussions until he's standing in their cottage and realises that perhaps he should have talked to Naruto about this before he brought two children with him. Before he essentially tries to form a family with the Jinchuuriki.

They haven't discussed having children so far and for a moment he fears he has pushed the other man too far, too fast and this will be the moment Naruto finally gets fed up with him and leaves.

He doesn't.

Naruto listens to his tale and his eyes soften when he looks at the children, barely toddlers, and he spreads his arms and engulfs Ken in a warm embrace, promising everything will be all right.

Sasuke is still holding Haruka in his arm and something blocks his throat when those cerulean blue eyes lock onto his and a warm smile spreads across red lips.

"We're going to be your family from now on, okay, Ken, Haruka?" Naruto murmurs and Ken sniffles, but tucks his face into Naruto's neck and the blond rises up and makes his way to Sasuke, where he brushes a finger carefully against Haruka's rosy cheek.

"Thank you, Naruto," Sasuke brings out and if their lips taste like salt, neither one of them remarks on it.

* * *

Sasuke is twenty-five years old when he has a family again.

* * *

At twenty-six, Sasuke realises he's never been this happy before. He looks at Naruto, who's reading a story to Haruka, who listens avidly and he looks at Ken who's swinging a wooden kunai around with a concentrated frown on his face and Sasuke smiles.

He's happy. Happy with his lover, happy with the children they consider their own now. Happy with the family he has now.

The darkness in him never rises up again.

 **The End**

* * *

 **AN2: The ending counts as fluff, right? *clears throat* This was the first time I've written a story completely in the present tense and while it felt incredibly weird, it seemed fitting to write this story in the present instead of the past - don't ask me why, my brain works in weird ways.**

 **I hope it wasn't too bad!**

 **Please leave your thoughts behind in a review; should you spot any mistakes, please point them out to me!**

 **I hope to see you all in my other stories!**

 **Cuddles**

 **Melissa**

 **P.S. For more information about my upcoming and posted stories, please visit my profile.**


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